Of gangstas, capos and accreditation inspectas

This year’s second-year show portrays the faculty as mobsters and the medical school as a racket.

Following a tradition dating back to 1949, the Class of 2010 presented The Unaccreditables, its second-year show, in February. As their predecessors have done for almost six decades, the students mocked deans, faculty and one another in a multimedia show that included live singing and dancing on stage as well as videos—including one in which Dean Robert J. Alpern, M.D., Ensign Professor of Medicine, played himself as an embezzling gangsta.

That was one subplot in a grander scheme that portrayed a faculty board meeting as a sit-down of mob capos, with the school as a criminal enterprise. The capos’ current problem is getting the school reaccredited by the Liaison Committee on Medical Education (LCME). Unfortunately, there’s no way the school will pass muster. The committee has doubts about the school’s “hands-off approach to medical education,” aka the Yale system.

Among the source material for the song-and-dance routines were Cream’s “White Room”; “It’s Easy, M’Kay,” from the animated TV show South Park; “Rappers’ Delight,” by the Sugarhill Gang; the early 1960s hit “The Shoop Shoop Song”; “I’m Too Sexy,” by the British pop band Right Said Fred; and, of course, the theme from The Godfather.

The LCME inspector, played by Alexi Nazem, finds fault throughout his tour. “Your anatomy labs,” he finds, “are very musical, but not at all educational.” Then there’s the question of the second-year show itself: “What kind of creditable medical school would allow the entire second-year class to waste two weeks on this #@%&*?”

At a faculty board meeting, Frank J. Bia, M.D., until recently a professor of medicine; Margaret J. Bia, M.D., professor of medicine; Nancy R. Angoff, M.P.H. ’81, M.D. ’90, HS ’93, associate dean for student affairs; Richard Belitsky, M.D., deputy dean for education; John N. Forrest Jr., HS ’67, director of research; and Richard Silverman, director of admissions, all played by students, look for a way out. Bribe the inspector? Scratch that. There’s no money. Alpern has been siphoning off school funds to support a lavish lifestyle, including a second kidney-shaped pool at his home. Only two options remain. “I think it’s time we sent the inspector to sleep with the fishes,” intones Frank Bia, played by Kaveh Mansuripur. The other possibility? Well, the faculty have noticed an attraction growing between the inspector and Angoff, played by Katherine Rose. In the end all is resolved when Angoff and the inspector tryst over Twister, “the game that ties you up in knots.”

—John Curtis

Auction raises $30,000 to benefit the homeless and hungry in New Haven

For 24 hours one day in November, first-year medical student Ali Batouli was at the beck and call of classmate Caitlin Koerber. “I owned his soul on Friday, November 16,” Koerber said, referring to her $75 purchase of Batouli’s services at the 2007 Hunger and Homelessness Auction earlier that month. Among the more than 300 items offered at both the live and silent auctions—including babysitting and meals prepared by students, weekend stays in faculty vacation homes, rides on faculty yachts and dinners at local restaurants—was an item from Batouli.

“For one full day I will do anything you ask me to, except break the law, physically harm myself or someone else, permanently alter my appearance and spend a lot of money I don’t have. Certain restrictions may apply. Ask your doctor if you are allergic to Ali.”

After soliciting ideas from classmates, Koerber said, “Ali was ordered to do monkey impressions in anatomy lab whenever anyone said the word piriformis (which was a lot), wear a green and white polka-dot dress in lab, hug everyone and serenade each learning society with ‘I’ll Make Love to You.’ After lab, Ali drove me to Philadelphia, where I was spending my Thanksgiving break. We tangoed in gas stations where Ali bought me Starbucks and gave me a piggyback ride back to the car, at my request.”

Behind the fun was a serious purpose: the auction raised $30,000 for seven area charities. The proceeds will benefit the Emergency Shelter Management Service, the Community Health Care Van, Loaves and Fishes, Domestic Violence Services, the Community Soup Kitchen, the Downtown Evening Soup Kitchen and Caring Cuisine.

Barbara Hirschman, a second-year M.D./Ph.D. student and one of the auction’s two co-chairs, said local organizations were asked to submit grant applications. Members of the auction’s board, which includes students in medicine, public health, nursing and the Physician Associate Program, also made site visits.

“We want to fund organizations that can complete a project,” Hirschman said. “We want to see that the money we provide them has a tangible benefit as opposed to going to operational costs.”

—J.C.