The Yale Journal for Humanities in Medicine    

The Healing
for those who cannot speak

***

I

How hard we all worked at the reconciliation
of time and desire
watching time erode desire
until the last wall crumbled
and he asked to die
expressing his desire for no more time
no more pain
just
the final reconciliation
His desire for nothing
but peace

II

He spoke with each of us
my siblings first
me
into the mourning hours
of the night
Our father
as usual
did not appear

III

We called in the first hours
not the family
not the funeral home
but the zoo
the zoo which had agreed to bring two chimpanzees to the hospital
fulfilling a kind of family Make a Wish affair his nurse had arranged
cleared with the powers that be
called the press to attend
His one small desire unreconciled
as he chose his time for passing

IV

What we could not reconcile
who we could not reconcile
was our father
He moved
continued to move
in that world which lived in black and white
a kind of Old Testament mind-set
that cast the first stone
and the die
forever
AIDS was just too much for him
too much to bear
too much to share with friends and family
far too much to discuss with Thomas
Dad had no desire to visit
did not visit
would not visit
even at the end
when time expired

V

The celebration of Thomas’s life was back home
in Nebraska
The church was too small
for the love of the many he had touched
Those who loved him
filled the sanctuary
came to their feet
applauded
as our father entered
reconciling desire to love
with love

VI

Thomas lives
every time our father speaks for AIDS
educating the Lion’s Club
the Optimists
the people in his church
other churches
reconciling the truth of life
and love

Published: June 21, 2007