Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your Guyness
Quotient 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the
Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a
token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a
small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of
curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean
energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently
eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire
Earth.You decide to: a. Present it to the president of the United States. 2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful
life do you miss the most? a. Innocence. 3. When is it okay to kiss another male? a. When you wish to display simple and pure affection
without regard for narrow-minded social conventions. 4. What about hugging another male? a. If he's your father and at least one of you has a
fatal disease. (1) He is legally within the basepath, 5. Complete this sentence: A funeral is a good time
to... a. ...remember the deceased and console his loved
ones. 6. In your opinion, the ideal pet is: a. A cat. 7. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's
attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with
her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are
taking it easy --you're watching a football game; she's
reading the papers --when she suddenly, out of the clear
blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you,
but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing
where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking
whether you want to get married; only whether you believe
that you have some kind of future together. What do you
say? a. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a
future, but you don't want to rush it. 8. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman
and you want to spend the rest of your life with her
--sharing the joys and the sorrows, the triumphs and the
tragedies, and all the adventures and opportunities that the
world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her? a. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after
dinner. 9. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and
asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your
first question to her is: a. "Do they need to eat or anything?" 10. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran
underwear? a. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and
developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones
were originally intended for your legs. 11. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable
explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all
over the place for forty years before they finally got to
the Promised Land? a. He was being tested. 12. What is the human race's single greatest
achievement? a. Democracy. How to Score: Give yourself one point for every time you
picked answer "c." A real guy would score at least 10 on this test. In fact,
a real guy would score at least 15, because he would get the
special five-point bonus for knowing the joke about the guy
who has Alzheimer's disease and cancer.
b. Present it to the secretary general of the United
Nations.
c. Take it apart.
b. Idealism.
c. Cherry bombs.
b. When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.)
c. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is
the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for
business reasons, you have to have him killed.
b. If you're performing the Heimlich maneuver. (And even in
this case,you should repeatedly shout: "I am just dislodging
food trapped in this male's trachea! I am not in any way
aroused!")
c. If you're a professional baseball player and a teammate
hits a home run to win the World Series, you may hug him
provided that:
(2) Both of you are wearing protective cups, and
(3) You also pound him fraternally with your fist hard
enough to cause fractures.
b. ...reflect upon the fleeting transience of earthly
life.
c. ...tell the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's
disease and cancer.
b. A dog.
c. A dog that eats cats.
b. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you
cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to
make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her
by holding out false hope.
c. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on
third and seventeen.
b. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say
her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze
blowing her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell
her.
c. Tell her what?
b. "They're in school already?"
c. "There are three of them?"
b. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear
molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
c. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real
guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody --and we
are not naming names, but this would be his wife --is
quietly trying to discard his underwear, which she is
frankly jealous of, because the guy seems to have a more
intimate relationship with it than with her.
b. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land
when they finally got there.
c. He refused to ask directions.
b. Religion.
c. Remote control.