Behind every successful man stands a devoted wife and a surprised mother-in-law. Adam and Eve were the happiest and the luckiest couple in the world, because neither of them had a mother-in-law. Sometimes you cannot tell if a man is trying so hard to be a success to please his wife or to spite his mother-in-law. Does it really surprise anyone that Mother-in-Law's Day occurs less than one week before Halloween? My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday. How is she now ? She's fine. But, the dog died. Hello. Your mother-in-law fell into my pool with crocodiles. - The crocodiles are yours, so you save them. A pharmacist tells a customer: - In order to buy arsenic you should need a legal prescription. A picture of your mother-in-law just isn't enough. Mother to daughter. - Your boyfriend's such a jerk that I would be delighted to be his mother-in-law. A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said, "Darling, its my mothers birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She would like something electric." The husband replied, "How about a chair?!?" The lawyer cabled his client overseas: "Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep. Shall we order burial, embalming or cremation?" Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order all three." One day a husband was late coming from work and his wife was nervous. "Oh, I know he has an affair with some woman," she said to her mother. "Why do you always think the worst?" her mother replied, "Maybe he is just in some kind of accident." At the funeral, a priest was consoling the bereaved man "Come, come my good man, tears cannot restore your mother-in-law." "Yes, I know... thats why I'm crying." Have you heard about this man who took his mother-in-law to the zoo and threw her into the crocodile pool. He is now being sued by the RSPCA for being cruel to the crocodiles. Two neighbours were having a chat when one said, "I took my dog to the vet today because it bit my mother-in-law." The other asked, "Did you put it to sleep?" "No, of course not," said the first, "I had its teeth sharpened." My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog in the street. "Oh, thats terrible" "Yes, it was terrible to watch the dog die slowly in convulsions." The president of the service club asked his new member, "Would you like to donate something to the home for the aged?" The new member replied, "Yes, my mother-in-law." Wife: Dear, this afternoon the big clock fell off the wall. Had it fallen a moment sooner, my mother would have been hit on the head and badly hurt. Husband : Oh, my God! That clock has always been slow.