A couple was on their honeymoon, laying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin." The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age." The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one other guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods." "Tiger Woods, the golfer?" "Yeah." "Well he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him." The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they get done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" asks the wife. The husband says, "I'm hungry. I was going to call room service and get some food." "Tiger wouldn't do that. " "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it a second time." The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love with his new wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "What are you doing?" She says. The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get some food." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it one more time." The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial. The wife asks,"Are you calling room service?" "No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this hole."     Edna and Bill were two residents of a nursing home who had been carrying on a love affair. They were both 96 years old, and wheelchair bound. Every night, they would meet in the TV room. Edna would passively hold Bill's penis, and they would watch TV for an hour or so. It wasn't much, but it was all they had. One night Bill didn't show up. He didn't show up for the next two nights either. Edna assumed he was dead, but then she saw him happily wheeling about the grounds. She confronted him and said: "Where were you these past couple of nights?" He replied: "If you must know, I was with another woman". "Bastard" She cried. "What were you doing?". "We do the exact same thing that you and I do" He answered. "Is she prettier or younger than I am?" She asked. "Nope, she looks the same, and she is 98 years old." Bill replied. "Well then, what does she have that I don't?" Edna asked. Bill smiled slyly and said: " Parkinson's disease".